I just finished reading a fascinating book called The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter—And How to Make the Most of Them Now. I was drawn to the subject matter because of my work with adult twins. The twenties can be particularly challenging for some twin pairs because they are facing separation struggles and the impact of romantic attachments on their twin connection. Author Meg Jay, a clinical psychologist specializing in adult development, defines what she calls “identity capital.” She […]
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The Czech Quintuplets
I recently watched a film produced by the Czech department of social services about the birth of quintuplets to a twenty-year-old woman and her husband. Czech family-planning policy allows supplemental help from the state for one child. Since this couple already had a four-year-old son, the family would normally be excluded from any state benefits. This is the only case of quintuplets in the Czech Republic, and many people became involved to help the family care for these five children. […]
Caretaking: Comforting or Controlling?
Many individuals who enter helping professions have assumed caretaking roles from a very young age. As children, they may have found themselves in a role reversal with no other recourse but to parent their parents. These children unknowingly give up their own needs to be nurtured, attended to, and soothed because they feel their job is to meet those needs for their parents. Because they lack healthy and secure parent attachments, many children in this predicament grow up without being […]
Movie Twins and “Real Life” Twins
I have been thinking about the connection between guilt and anger in twin relationships. A young woman I work with feels tremendous compassion and love for her twin sister. She also has unbearable feelings of guilt about her sister’s difficulties that, in her mind, make it impossible for her to feel separate and fulfilled. My patient worries that her sister’s tendencies toward depression and self-loathing will deepen if she moves away from her sister—either emotionally or physically. Reflecting on the […]
“A Package Deal”
A few days ago I read a blog post written by a mother of six-year-old identical twin girls. She was upset that her daughters were having difficulty managing separate relationships with some of their classmates. The girls had been in separate preschool classes, and the mother explained that this separation had worked out beautifully because one daughter had previously become too controlling and bossy. Since she felt that the girls had “individualized enough,” she put them back together for kindergarten […]