Category Archives: Independence

A Room of Her Own

A mother of six-year-old identical twins shared a lovely story that illustrates how natural it can be to attend to each twin’s needs when guilty feelings don’t get in the way. Mother explained that her daughter Sandy talked about wanting to have her own room. Two issues had to be managed. The first was that this sentiment hurt her other daughter, Anna. Anna told her mom that Sandy’s wish to be on her own hurt her feelings. The second issue […]

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Joined at the Hip

Understandably, some twins long for immediate intimacy because they have grown up with a constant companion. A friend of mine, an identical twin in his thirties, struggled in many relationships because of this issue. He tends to become too intimate with his boyfriends too quickly. He feels threatened and insecure if the connection is not hot and heavy from the get-go. When the relationship falls apart, he is overwhelmed by loss and grief. His big feelings, as we describe them, […]

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One Step at a Time

Many parents of twins confront the daunting challenge of helping their children develop individual friendships. This is not usually an issue with boy-girl twins, vut same-sex twin pairs frequently have difficulties in this arena. A mom of ten-year-old identical twin girls recently shared a story with me that illustrates this challenge. Both girls have been in separate classrooms since kindergarten. One of the girls, Kaye, has more self-confidence than her sister, Clarissa. She is outgoing, independent, and easygoing. She attends […]

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Like an Old Married Couple

A mom of 16-year-old identical twin boys contacted me to talk about how to handle excessive bickering between her sons. She described how she has tried to manage the incessant teasing and fighting that goes on between the two of them. One will accuse the other of dressing like a geek, having a stupid sense of humor, or acting like a dork at school. The dominant twin is more likely than not to be leveling these insults at his reticent […]

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Decision Making and Differentiation

A mom of nine-year-old identical twin girls asked me to help her understand a specific dynamic that is playing out between her daughters. On the surface, the circumstances make very little sense to her. Both girls take piano lessons—Annie loves the piano and practices without being asked, but her sister, Amy, rarely practices and asks her parents about playing the trumpet. Their mom understands their differences and does not make a big deal about their divergent likes and dislikes. What […]

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