Category Archives: Parenting

Twin Parents’ Fatigue: Relentless Twin Bickering

Twins fight constantly. The interminable squabbling is a drag and a drain. In some ways, this power struggle is another aspect of the twin connection. This dynamic is often encountered in couples whose quarreling becomes the primary way they feel connected. If possible, it’s best to address the issue of fighting between twins sooner rather than later. As much as twins are each other’s biggest rival, they are also one another’s staunchest supporter. How can parents minimize tension and competition? […]

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When Does Being Needed Become a Liability?

I frequently point out that twins cannot be surrogate parents for one another; in other words, children cannot be parented by a same-age sibling. So I plead, ad nauseam, for parents to spend one-on-one time with each twin whenever possible and nurture their attachment to each child individually, not dyadically. Some twin pairs who spent their childhood needing each other struggle with recognizing their independent selves. In fact, their identities are contingent on providing the essential roles of caregiver and cared […]

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Parenting Is a Family Business

A few weeks ago, I attended a two-day conference in New York City sponsored by the World of Business Ideas. Many of the speakers emphasized the socioemotional components that nurture successful corporate leadership and well-functioning management teams. As a psychologist, I recognized that many of the issues they discussed were relevant to parenting. For example, one of the speakers talked about emotional triggers. He described them as hijackings of the amygdala. A vital part of parenting as well as corporate […]

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Q & A about Twins

Parents of twins often experience unique situations and are left with questions not usually addressed by parenting books or advice columns. Here are some questions I’ve been asked recently about raising multiples, as well as some advice for these sometimes difficult-to-navigate situations. Question: Shall I correct my two-and-a-half-year-old identical twin girls when they argue with me about who is who in a photo? Answer: Yes, I would definitely tell them that you feel differently. The confusion about who is who is […]

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Think Twice: You’re My Twin, Not My Parent

Parents who have adult children involved with partners whom they dislike know better than to share unsolicited opinions. Perhaps they learned through earlier mishaps or were advised by close friends that disclosing unwanted judgments or advice can cement their son or daughter’s commitment to what is perceived as an ill-fated outcome. This quandary became the topic of conversation with an identical twin gentleman in his fifties whom I will call Kurt. He contacted me because he was feeling estranged from […]

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