I just finished reading a fascinating book called The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter—And How to Make the Most of Them Now. I was drawn to the subject matter because of my work with adult twins. The twenties can be particularly challenging for some twin pairs because they are facing separation struggles and the impact of romantic attachments on their twin connection. Author Meg Jay, a clinical psychologist specializing in adult development, defines what she calls “identity capital.” She […]
Category Archives: Independence
Movie Twins and “Real Life” Twins
I have been thinking about the connection between guilt and anger in twin relationships. A young woman I work with feels tremendous compassion and love for her twin sister. She also has unbearable feelings of guilt about her sister’s difficulties that, in her mind, make it impossible for her to feel separate and fulfilled. My patient worries that her sister’s tendencies toward depression and self-loathing will deepen if she moves away from her sister—either emotionally or physically. Reflecting on the […]
Transitions
One mom at the New Zealand Multiple Birth Association conference shared how she has come to understand the importance of transitions when it comes to parenting. Her teenage twin boys have developed into very distinct persons. She is now cognizant about how each one might use the twinship—often as a crutch or as leverage to get what the other one has. These boys are in separate classes and have some separate relationships with other friends. This mom astutely sees that […]