Category Archives: Conflict

Adolescence and Multiples: Steering Our Selfish and Sassy Teens to Selfhood

For most children in our Western societies, the goal of adolescence is to become more independent from their parents. In his terrific book on adolescent development, Dr. Anthony Wolf writes that adolescence is not a single event but a number of changes happening within a relatively short period. The two main forces of adolescence are the onset of sexuality and the turning away from parents. Young teens turn away from their childish feelings. They cannot feel close to or dependent […]

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Find Your Comfort Zone and Leave It

I was listening to an NPR piece called “Wisdom From YA Authors on Leaving Home: Neal Shusterman” on Weekend Edition Saturday for August 27. Mr. Shusterman reminisced about his troubled adolescence adjusting to life in a new country. He related that overcoming depression and loneliness was instrumental in the future adaptations he had to make throughout the course of his life. His advice was “find your comfort zone and leave it.” This radio piece resonated with me professionally and personally. […]

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Do You Really Like That Restaurant?

My twin patient and I were saying goodbye to one another at the end of our session. Casually she mentioned that she was looking forward to having lunch at a particular restaurant down the street from my office. Having slipped out of my clinical demeanor, I disdainfully and incredulously inquired, “Do you really like that restaurant?” My stunned patient stared at me with a look of consternation and fear. Instinctively I realized what she was experiencing in the face of […]

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Help Me Be Me

Defining the parameters of a healthy twin relationship is challenging because each person’s life experience is unique and complicated. The majority of the clientele who seek out my services are grappling with how to reorganize and redefine the boundaries of their adult twin connection. They have outgrown their accommodating childhood roles and are challenged by new intimate relationships and evolving life circumstances. Let me quote a portion of an e-mail I received from a twin struggling to cope with her […]

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Adult Twins: Identity, Rivalry, and Intimacy

Some twin pairs, not all, become disillusioned about their twinship because they struggle to be “known,” not just “noticed.” Since outsiders habitually relate to them as a unit or a fixed dyad, they expectedly have conflicts with their twin in an attempt to define or declare their individual selves. While twins fight just like different-aged siblings, their tensions have much more to do with establishing separateness and uniqueness, traits afforded naturally to siblings born at different times. Twins, especially identical […]

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