I had the pleasure of meeting with identical twin sisters who are about to celebrate their 60th birthday. One sister, Lena, reached out to me to inquire about my availability and explained their situation: We talk to each other multiple times a day even though we are living in different time zones. We are each other’s most special person and loving confidant. Yet both of us feel vulnerable around each other for a host of reasons. We’d like a session […]

Why do some twin pairs feel incapable of transformative love? Feelings of love, intimacy, expectations, and assumptions can change over the course of a lifetime. For example, romantic love at 25 is not the same as romantic love at 65. The circumstances and parameters unfold as we mature, evolve, and age. Most likely the healthiest connections are those that make room for appreciation, gratefulness, disappointment, change, and even conflict. For various reasons, some twin connections cannot attain this necessary degree […]

Many parents express surprise about how much their twins fight; however, they are relieved and grateful that confrontations are quickly resolved. They are pleased they do not have to intervene to quell a conflict because it seems to be over swiftly. This nearly instantaneous resolution can feel like a stroke of luck in a busy household. After a consultation with parents struggling to discipline their young twins, I reflected upon how much children learn about handling conflict when parents intervene […]

“My twin is getting married—I am excited and happy, and I feel alone and miserable.” “I want others to think both my twin sister and I are pretty—and I want to be prettier than she is.” “I can be the generous and loving twin if I am winning.” Twins who grow up being compared to each other experience their self-worth and self-esteem from an external perspective rather than an internalized one. Societal and family pressures unwittingly contribute to this dilemma. […]

Frequently, identical twins have a blurred sense of their purpose and identity. I work with an identical twin man in his early forties who consistently struggles with interpersonal relationships owing to his penchant for repeatedly falling into a caretaking role with potential romantic partners. He has a well-thought-out intellectual understanding about why he falls into this trap often; however, from an emotional standpoint, he feels as if he will not be lovable or worthy if he does not demonstrate intense […]