Iconic and ironic perceptions of twin relationships rarely surprise me. Recently, an onslaught of media attention paid to identical twin women who speak in unison created quite a stir. Reactions to and comments about the sisters’ behavior ranged from incredulous and amusing to downright cruel. Certain facets of a twin connection provoke astonishment as well as ridicule. I thought about this dichotomy when I was speaking with an identical twin woman named Jodi, who is in her late twenties. Her […]

Why do some twin pairs distance themselves from each other if one twin marries or becomes involved in a romantic relationship? The single twin may ask herself, “Why does my sister need someone else? I have always been enough for her. I cannot stand the person she has chosen. How is she with someone so different from me? We have always been so close, and I have been the most important person in her life.” The problem lies in the […]

Dr. Allan Schore is a well-known neuroscientist and psychologist who writes prolifically about the topics of attachment and emotional regulation. He believes that the primary caretaker’s ability to regulate an infant’s up and downs enables the growing baby’s capacity to self-soothe. The notion that emotional regulation is an outcome of a caretaker’s consistent emotional attunement has been well documented by other attachment theorists. Of course, this process does not go well for some babies. In addition, a parent of twins […]

I had always instinctively reacted to stories about enmeshed twins with disdain. In my mind they represented the essence of twins’ failure to find and celebrate their individuality and separateness. I feel fortunate that my involvement in twin psychology has provided me the opportunity to rethink some of my prior prejudices and snap judgments. Recently I have spoken with a number of twin pairs who made it clear that living together forever with their twin was a decision they made […]

Twins who describe themselves as best friends and who talk to each other once or multiple times a day frequently live physically distant from each other. I find this separation significantly enables their connection to thrive and endure. Not having to confront constant comparisons by outsiders and family members can be liberating and healthy. A few months ago, I was a guest on the podcast Double Trouble, hosted by identical twin sisters Nell and Laine, who live geographically separate from […]