“My twin is getting married—I am excited and happy, and I feel alone and miserable.” “I want others to think both my twin sister and I are pretty—and I want to be prettier than she is.” “I can be the generous and loving twin if I am winning.” Twins who grow up being compared to each other experience their self-worth and self-esteem from an external perspective rather than an internalized one. Societal and family pressures unwittingly contribute to this dilemma. […]

Frequently, identical twins have a blurred sense of their purpose and identity. I work with an identical twin man in his early forties who consistently struggles with interpersonal relationships owing to his penchant for repeatedly falling into a caretaking role with potential romantic partners. He has a well-thought-out intellectual understanding about why he falls into this trap often; however, from an emotional standpoint, he feels as if he will not be lovable or worthy if he does not demonstrate intense […]

The dichotomy of twinship never fails to astound me, even after so many years of working with twins. Recently, I met a pair of identical twin men in their late twenties. They are professional athletes who perform as a duo. They have trained together their whole lives to achieve professional status and recognition. They are about to embark on a nationwide tour and find themselves bickering. I spoke to each separately, and it is evident that both are aware and […]

While parents of twins know that same-age siblings fight continually, they may not realize that frequently the dyadic conflict morphs into bullying, sometimes outside of parental awareness. These circumstances are more likely to occur when the family system cannot manage conflict, appreciate differences, or enforce appropriate boundaries consistently. The twins themselves are left in charge of settling matters between themselves. To keep some semblance of peace between the two of them, one twin may have to “take one for the […]

Working with twins who are attempting to manage feeling enmeshed with or estranged from their same-age sibling is a heart-wrenching challenge. Considering the cultural mythos that defines twins as soul mates and best friends, it can be daunting to accept that being either too close or too separate can give rise to an untenable situation. Nonetheless, since many twin pairs are raised without any conscious attention given to developing their sense of uniqueness, it is reasonable to assume that relationship […]