Most of us seek guidance or advice when we feel stuck. We cannot see the forest for the trees, as the saying goes. We feel lost, and we need a pair of fresh eyes to help us find clarification and understanding. Such was the conundrum of parents of sixteen-year-old identical twin boys who sought my consultation. As is so often the case, these parents were surprised and appalled by their adolescent sons’ behaviors. One youngster resolutely refused to go to […]
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Why Do Twins Feel Entitled to Possess Each Other?
Some twins track each other, both physically and emotionally. One set of twins put tracking devices on their cell phones in high school so that they would be certain of the other’s whereabouts. Other twins track their twin emotionally by demanding detailed accounts of their activities, friendships, and sometimes even food intake. This particular dynamic becomes increasingly complicated and cumbersome after one or both twins begin to develop intimate relationships outside of the twinship. When outside attachments threaten to relegate […]
“Stay Out of Our Fights”
It is well known in twin households that twins fight a lot. While nontwins may perceive twin pairs as peacefully coexisting in the outside world, at home twins are constantly bickering and driving their parents crazy. Most parents will tell you that any fight is usually over quickly, and the twins resume their playful interaction until the next eruption occurs. Parents of singletons do not usually experience sibling hostilities whose score is settled so quickly. As twins reach adolescence and […]
Doubles in Dominica
Dominica is a lesser known island in the Caribbean. Its neighbors, Guadalupe and Martinique, are well recognized vacation destinations. When a woman in Dominica who was organizing a first-time twins festival contacted me almost a year ago, I was intrigued. I have just returned from a whirlwind week of twin-related activities—dinners, a jazz festival, a karaoke night, and most importantly, an educational symposium. The Dominican people are very warm and welcoming, and the island’s natural beauty is reflected in its […]
Needing a Best Friend
A young adult female identical twin, “S,” struggles with her girlfriend relationships. Although she has many close friendships, her longing to be the “one and only” best friend consumes her. While she has an intellectual understanding about this issue being inextricably linked to her twinship, emotionally she gets stymied. She is constantly bothered, upset, and perhaps a bit obsessed by her girlfriends’ other intimate connections. The idea that she cannot be number one makes her feel devalued, unimportant, and unloved. […]