A mom of 16-year-old identical twin boys contacted me to talk about how to handle excessive bickering between her sons. She described how she has tried to manage the incessant teasing and fighting that goes on between the two of them. One will accuse the other of dressing like a geek, having a stupid sense of humor, or acting like a dork at school. The dominant twin is more likely than not to be leveling these insults at his reticent […]
Category Archives: Identity
Twin Caretaking: Confusion and Conflict
I am currently working with three women who are attempting to navigate the emotional turmoil wrought by their assuming a caretaking role with their identical twin sisters. The caretaker role in these instances means that one twin has sacrificed her own feelings and needs in the service of protecting and parenting her sister. Each twin comes from a different background. One woman was raised in a rural area by a family that was disorganized and chaotic. The second woman grew […]
Heartbreak: Loving a Twin
My blog this week is an email that a gentleman wrote to his girlfriend after he reluctantly accepted that her relationship with her identical twin prevented her from making a commitment to him. This gentleman gave me permission to share this with my readers, and the names have been changed to protect the identities. He contacted me after having read The Same but Different. He thanked me profusely for the fact that the book validated his concerns and helped him […]
Twins: Seeking Like-Minded Souls
As I describe in my book The Same but Different, twins feel relieved when they can talk about their problems with a fellow twin. Twins have a unique emotional trajectory that does not parallel the experience of different-age siblings. Most siblings are able to express how they feel about their brother or sister. They feel comfortable arguing for status and position without incurring much guilt or opposition. Twins, on the other hand, frequently do not experience this emotional freedom. While […]
Happy Twin Pairs—a Celebration
Twin stories abound wherever I go! After people find out that I write books about twins and identify myself as a twin therapist, I am inundated with twin incidents. I spent a week cruising in the Caribbean and heard wonderfully positive stories about twin relationships. One gentleman in his sixties shared how he and his identical twin brother have worked and lived together their entire lives. He had nothing but fantastic things to say about his twin experience. Both brothers […]