Category Archives: Adult Twins

Twins Seeking Like-Minded Souls

As I describe in my book The Same but Different, twins feel relieved when they can talk about their problems with a fellow twin. Twins have a unique emotional trajectory that does not parallel the experience of different-age siblings. Most siblings are able to express how they feel about their brother or sister. They feel comfortable arguing for status and position without incurring much guilt or opposition. Twins, on the other hand, frequently do not experience this emotional freedom. While […]

more

The Wonders of Therapy

I met a former patient of mine the other day for coffee. We had not seen one another since she graduated from college a few months ago. Like many college graduates, Shelley, who is a twin, is looking for a job and feeling quite frustrated. She is fortunate to be able to live with her family while she is job hunting and making some money by waiting tables. The issues that Shelley and I worked on about three years ago […]

more

Can Divorce Be Amicable for Twins?

Recently, I presented some material from my research findings about adult twin relationships. I discussed why it is so challenging for some twins to develop a cohesive self. I referenced Dr. Barbara Klein’s book Alone in the Mirror. She feels that since twins are in a metaphorical sense born married, they can never get a divorce. Dr. Klein substantiates her point of view by highlighting how twins remain loyally connected to one another in the face of enormous guilt, resentment, […]

more

Twin Loss and Mirroring

I recently connected with a woman whose twin had just died. I was reminded about the unique experience that twins share—that exquisite sense of being known—when she expressed her thoughts: “She just gets me; I don’t have to say anything; she just understands without my having to explain myself.” This young woman felt grief stricken about losing this piece of the attachment with her sister when she realized that there will never be another person to mirror her in this […]

more

Being Appreciated for Being Me

Every year when I read about the Twinsburg Twins Days Festival or see photographs of grown-up twins who are dressed identically and unabashedly clowning around with their clone, I feel a visceral trigger of old feelings about growing up as a twin freak. Jane and I were always the source of endless curiosity, and I hated (and still hate) being the center of attention without a feeling of substance or worth. Unfortunately, I have never really experienced the joys of […]

more