I received an e-mail from a college-age female twin whom I will call Molly. Molly reached out to me because she was feeling worried and frustrated about her relationship with her sister Maddy. Although Molly and Maddy were now in their second year of attending separate colleges, Molly felt ongoing concerns about their twin relationship. Molly and Maddy are the eldest children, with three younger siblings. Molly described that she and her sister were basically treated as a unit most […]
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Why Twins Prefer a Therapist Who is a Twin
Most twins who are looking for a therapist hope to find one who is a twin. It is important that nontwins and therapists understand why this is the case. Growing up as a twin is a very different experience than growing up as a singleton–whether you are an identical or a fraternal twin. The bottom line is that twins have grown up with their twin by their side for most of their life, for better or worse. The twin connection […]
Like an Old Married Couple
A mom of 16-year-old identical twin boys contacted me to talk about how to handle excessive bickering between her sons. She described how she has tried to manage the incessant teasing and fighting that goes on between the two of them. One will accuse the other of dressing like a geek, having a stupid sense of humor, or acting like a dork at school. The dominant twin is more likely than not to be leveling these insults at his reticent […]
Big Fish, Small Pond Versus Small Fish, Big Pond
I was talking with a friend of mine struggling with a decision about kindergarten for her five-year-old identical twin daughters. Fortunately, the family was accepted into two excellent schools. The issue was the size of the school–one school had two kindergarten classes, and the other one had five. Separating the girls into their own classroom was not an issue because the family had beautifully prepared for this by separating the girls in their second year of preschool. Ultimately, the parents […]
Adolescence: A Time to Be Tough with Your Twins
Parents of twins, especially younger twins, celebrate and romanticize the twin bond. But preoccupation with the twin bond often prevents parents from making healthy decisions for each twin. In fact, some families are so invested in the twinship that they are unable to recognize the importance of separating the twins from time to time. When parents ask me for advice about how to help adolescent twins refrain from constant bickering, teasing, and criticism, I compare twins to an “old married […]