My twin patient and I were saying goodbye to one another at the end of our session. Casually she mentioned that she was looking forward to having lunch at a particular restaurant down the street from my office. Having slipped out of my clinical demeanor, I disdainfully and incredulously inquired, “Do you really like that restaurant?” My stunned patient stared at me with a look of consternation and fear. Instinctively I realized what she was experiencing in the face of […]
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Help Me Be Me
Defining the parameters of a healthy twin relationship is challenging because each person’s life experience is unique and complicated. The majority of the clientele who seek out my services are grappling with how to reorganize and redefine the boundaries of their adult twin connection. They have outgrown their accommodating childhood roles and are challenged by new intimate relationships and evolving life circumstances. Let me quote a portion of an e-mail I received from a twin struggling to cope with her […]
Who’s Calling Whom Selfish?
When a twin who has seen a therapist in the past contacts me, he often tells me that his previous therapist shamed him by proclaiming that feeling abandoned, jealous, or guilty about his twin getting married, moving away, or having a better job is nothing short of selfish. This therapeutic lack of insight, empathy, and understanding about a twin’s state of mind in these predicaments drives me crazy. I imagine that if a singleton sibling were in treatment and these […]
Honesty Is Only the First Step
As a seasoned clinician, I am well aware that insight is the gateway to change. I tell my patients that discovering fresh insights into our problems and ourselves is akin to opening a window that has previously been shuttered or stuck. However, in order to discover those insights, we must open that window to risk new behaviors and experiences that may feel out of reach or simply too intimating to contemplate. I was communicating electronically with an adult twin woman […]
A Gratuitous Gimmick or a Gracious Gesture?
Among the many articles about the Olympic athletes who competed in Rio, considerable media attention was paid to a pair of female twin marathon runners from Germany. Photographers snapped a photo of them holding hands as they crossed the finish line. The German media outlets sparked criticism about the women’s gesture, suggesting that their hand-holding shenanigan was nothing more than an attention-getting ploy that denigrated the spirit of genuine Olympian athleticism. Contrary to their German counterparts, many journalists and tweeters expressed […]