The contemporary popularity of going “no contact” has become sensationalized via social media. However, family estrangement is not new. Moreover, this dynamic has consistently played a distinct role in the psychology of twinship. Many twin patients come into treatment concerned about a rift that has already happened or fearful that it might happen if their current circumstances are not resolved. Often a twin’s family member becomes concerned and suggests that one or both twins seek therapy.

Estrangement in twin pairs occurs for several understandable reasons. For instance, one twin may be physically or emotionally abandoned by the other, be overcome with feelings of envy or inequality, or experience an overwhelming urge to separate and find oneself. In many ways, these reasons are not dissimilar from why some adult children feel the need to go “no contact” with their parents. However, due to societal and family expectations, twins feel particularly compelled to demonstrate unswerving support and connection. Since many twin pairs have essentially parented each other, when one or both can no longer abide by their twin’s unspoken rules or expectations, a breakup becomes inevitable.

Often twins have been raised without adequate parental attention or attunement. Overwhelmed parents determine that the twins prefer to be with each other, and they hesitate to break the special twin bond. While the twins’ wishes to be perpetually together may lessen the parents’ caretaking burdens, there may be some underlying resentment. If parents feel shut out by the dyad, their involvement and investment in their children may be compromised.

Caring for two same-age siblings is a daunting task by any stretch of the imagination. Many caregivers do not have the emotional bandwidth to attend to two children’s individual differences. Hence, the twins are coerced to accept being treated as if they were one unit. Substantial research has validated how parents, especially mothers, are prone to experience more mental health issues following a twin pregnancy and birth than after a singleton birth.

Twins may feel as if their parents were virtually absent. Their closest tie, nurturer, supporter, and comforter is their twin and the twin bubble world they inhabit together. The parental mirroring needed to develop a strong inner sense of self is limited—an essential attribute that contributes to a child feeling seen, known, and understood as a distinct individual.

Estrangement is not necessarily permanent; rather it can be a legitimate, self-protective temporary relational pause if one is working through complicated dynamics. I have treated twins who have decided to curtail communication with their twin to address concerns with boundaries and psychological well-being. Some have repaired their relationship and others have not. Outcomes depend largely upon the disputes that perpetrated the estrangement and the willingness of the parties involved to manage conflicting perspectives and hurt feelings.

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