I know a number of twin pairs who found solace and companionship with each other in their later lives in spite of uncomfortable emotional struggles with one another throughout their marriages and parenting years. I reflected on this after interviewing a woman who described how she and her twin sister have grown closer as they approach their sixties. This woman remarked that she previously had a problematic relationship with her twin because her husband and sister did not get along. […]
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Twin Loss: An Epigenetic Accident
A woman in her early twenties (I’ll call her Cathy) wrote me a beautiful email asking for advice about how to deal with the “loss” of her twin. She explained that she had read my book The Same but Different and found it helpful in many ways; however, her circumstances were such that my book could not offer her the specific help she needed. She hoped I would be able to provide additional resources for her after I learned more […]
It’s All My Twin Sisters’ Fault
Parents of twins who have older or younger singleton siblings often worry about how their other children cope with the twins’ attention-getting behaviors and public recognition. I recently spoke with a mom who has a middle school–age son and six-year-old twin daughters. She told me that she is frequently distressed when her son says mean things about his sisters and blames them for making him feel angry and frustrated. As the mother and I explored this matter further, I realized […]
Twin Therapy: Together or Apart?
Often when one twin contacts me to request help with a specific twin issue, she has an underlying assumption that I will or should suggest seeing them together. Even if she has had prior experiences in therapy with her twin where little is accomplished, she resists the notion of discussing the issues independently. When I listen to her rationale in favor of conjoint therapy, I wonder about the one twin’s capacity or willingness to confront the conflicts on her own. […]
Invite Just One Twin for a Playdate
I had the pleasure of spending a few hours with a psychologist who specializes in teaching parents and children essential social skills. She mentioned that she has a number of twins who attend her groups, and I was intrigued to hear about how she helps identical twins learn to socialize with their peers. From the outside looking in, many people watch twins play effortlessly with one another and wish that their children were able to get along so well. While a twin […]