In my work with parents of twins, I have heard many stories—both positive and negative—about their experiences with grandparents. Having recently become a first-time grandparent to a singleton, I can now relate to the dilemmas with more perspective. The most difficult scenarios seemed to involve grandparents who did not live close by. Especially during the harrowing months after the babies were born, the parents needed physical help, emotional support, and buoyant optimism to help them through the exhaustive transition. For […]
Category Archives: Parenting
The Big Five
The “big five” in the world of psychology refers to five personality traits that describe how people interact with the world. (If you happen to be on a safari in Africa, the “big five” refers to the animals that you hope to spot during your safari drives—lion, leopard, elephant, buffalo, and rhinoceros.) The personality traits are as follows: Openness Conscientiousness Extraversion Agreeableness Neuroticism Dr. Meg Jay discusses these dynamics and what they mean in her book The Defining Decade: Why Your […]
On Becoming a Grandparent
In the three decades that I have shared parenting advice, I have heard many stories—both positive and negative—about moms and dads’ experiences with their children’s grandparents. Now that I am a first-time grandparent, I feel as if I have joined an exclusive club with terrific membership benefits. In addition to baby-sitting duties, I take my sixteen-month-old grandson to an hour-long class near my house once a week. I admit that in the beginning, I was a bit nervous about embarking […]
Twin Parents’ Fatigue: Relentless Twin Bickering
Twins fight constantly. The interminable squabbling is a drag and a drain. In some ways, this power struggle is another aspect of the twin connection. This dynamic is often encountered in couples whose quarreling becomes the primary way they feel connected. If possible, it’s best to address the issue of fighting between twins sooner rather than later. As much as twins are each other’s biggest rival, they are also one another’s staunchest supporter. How can parents minimize tension and competition? […]
When Does Being Needed Become a Liability?
I frequently point out that twins cannot be surrogate parents for one another; in other words, children cannot be parented by a same-age sibling. So I plead, ad nauseam, for parents to spend one-on-one time with each twin whenever possible and nurture their attachment to each child individually, not dyadically. Some twin pairs who spent their childhood needing each other struggle with recognizing their independent selves. In fact, their identities are contingent on providing the essential roles of caregiver and cared […]