As a seasoned clinician, I am well aware that insight is the gateway to change. I tell my patients that discovering fresh insights into our problems and ourselves is akin to opening a window that has previously been shuttered or stuck. However, in order to discover those insights, we must open that window to risk new behaviors and experiences that may feel out of reach or simply too intimating to contemplate. I was communicating electronically with an adult twin woman […]
Category Archives: Caretaking
Love Cannot Conquer All—Even Twin Love
As so many of us discover after a number of years of marriage, the exact qualities that attracted us to our beloved turn out to be personality traits that may contribute to our feeling unhappy, lonely, or sad later on in the relationship. This predicament can become especially intolerable if you have a twin who gets you, has your back, demonstrates unconditional love and acceptance, and needs to hear no more than a few words drop from your lips to […]
Double Your Knowledge, Double Your Fun
I spoke to a wonderful gathering of moms and dads at the Paradise Valley Mothers of Multiples Club in Phoenix, Arizona. After I concluded my talk and answered questions, many of the participants approached me to thank me for the eye-opening and thought-provoking presentation. The importance of alone time seemed to make a definite impression. The onslaught of hype about twin togetherness confuses the most conscientious parent into believing that twins do not want to be separated from their siblings. […]
The Caretaker Twin: She Needs You Too
A mother of thirteen-year-old fraternal twin girls asked my advice about how to help the “cared for” twin develop more independence and self-confidence. The mother remarked that both she and her husband give one twin special attention because she appears insecure and clingy. To their surprise, I suggested that they devote more time and attention to the “caretaker twin” because she may not be getting what she needs in terms of parental emotional investment. Often, a child who is raised […]
Caretaking: Comforting or Controlling?
Many individuals who enter helping professions have assumed caretaking roles from a very young age. As children, they may have found themselves in a role reversal with no other recourse but to parent their parents. These children unknowingly give up their own needs to be nurtured, attended to, and soothed because they feel their job is to meet those needs for their parents. Because they lack healthy and secure parent attachments, many children in this predicament grow up without being […]