Twins often find it difficult to appreciate their own successes. Since so many of their accomplishments are evaluated in relation to their twin, many twins find it challenging to absorb a singular success. It has been a habitual practice to evaluate a twin’s status by comparing what one twin has or doesn’t have–or did or did not do–with that of the other twin. Singletons are accustomed to being compared with others, and consequently they learn how to integrate their successes and failures over time. Their parents mirror and validate their behaviors and accomplishments.
In sharp contrast, many twins mirror one another more than they mirror their parents because twins are constantly together and compared. The externalized overemphasis interferes with the development of the internalized self. For example, if twin sisters are both looking for a job and the twin who finds a job first feels more satisfaction about beating out her sister than about finding a job, the successful twin’s singular ability to feel good about her separate self is sorely compromised. Unfortunately, many twins have developed an inefficient system to feel singularly successful. It takes quite a bit of work to feel competent and confident on one’s own.
Have you found it a challenge to enjoy your own achievements?