Iconic and ironic perceptions of twin relationships rarely surprise me. Recently, an onslaught of media attention paid to identical twin women who speak in unison created quite a stir. Reactions to and comments about the sisters’ behavior ranged from incredulous and amusing to downright cruel. Certain facets of a twin connection provoke astonishment as well as ridicule.

I thought about this dichotomy when I was speaking with an identical twin woman named Jodi, who is in her late twenties. Her sister, Jordan, died from a drug overdose a couple of years ago. Since then, Jodi has dedicated her time to developing a foundation in her sister’s honor aptly named the Jordan Leigh Foundation (www.thejordanleighfoundation.com). Its mission is to break the stigma around mental health and addiction through education, support, and outreach to the most vulnerable.

I asked Jodi to tell me a bit about Jordan and their relationship. She shared that she and her sister grew up in a troubled home environment with a single mother. They had only each other to rely on. Jordan was Jodi’s rock star and maternal support. Unfortunately, Jordan began abusing drugs and alcohol in high school. Jodi asked her sister why she was behaving this way, but Jordan did not want to talk about it, denied that anything was wrong, and isolated herself from her twin.

There is more to their story, and Jodi would be happy to talk with those who might be interested in hearing additional details. For me, what stood out in Jodi’s retelling of the events that led up to her sister’s death was how much she felt responsible for what had happened, plagued by the “what ifs” that haunt survivors when loved ones or friends die suddenly and unexpectedly.

Jodi lamented that somehow her twin bond should have prevented Jordan’s reckless and self-destructive behaviors because, she said, “We were a whole together.” The day before Jordan overdosed, they spent the evening with each other. Jordan had just been released from a ninety-day rehab program and was looking forward to a fresh start. The sisters enjoyed a wonderful time together, and Jodi was feeling optimistic and hopeful about Jordan’s future. Nothing seemed amiss or worrisome when she said goodbye to her sister the following morning.

In recounting these events, Jodi seemed to be clinging to a belief that their magical twin bond and their beautiful love and connection should have helped keep Jordan alive. Although she accepts on a rational and intellectual level that this is wishful thinking, she continues to feel bereft and disappointed that the bond did not save her sister. Many twins live for a very long time with intolerable survivor’s guilt because they fervently believe in the myth that their connection will enable them to beat all odds.

I asked Jodi to think about the difference between a singleton addict and a twin addict. I believe she understood the underlying intent of my inquiry. Twin loss is unlike any other grief. “We are born together, and we will die together” is a familiar twin mantra. As Jodi exclaimed, “Grief changes you.”

Photo courtesy of Jodi McCulloug