Tag Archives: rivalry

Ganging Up on Mom

A twin mom with four-year-old fraternal daughters called me for help with a behavioral issue. She discussed her frustration about her daughters’ inability to be patient and considerate while she attends to one of them. For example, she described a situation in which one of her daughters demanded her immediate attention. She had fallen off her chair unexpectedly and was startled. At the moment Mom rushed to comfort her, the other daughter started to scream that she had a “drastic” […]

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Who’s Calling Whom Selfish?

When a twin who has seen a therapist in the past contacts me, he often tells me that his previous therapist shamed him by proclaiming that feeling abandoned, jealous, or guilty about his twin getting married, moving away, or having a better job is nothing short of selfish. This therapeutic lack of insight, empathy, and understanding about a twin’s state of mind in these predicaments drives me crazy. I imagine that if a singleton sibling were in treatment and these […]

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Adult Twins: Identity, Rivalry, and Intimacy

Some twin pairs, not all, become disillusioned about their twinship because they struggle to be “known,” not just “noticed.” Since outsiders habitually relate to them as a unit or a fixed dyad, they expectedly have conflicts with their twin in an attempt to define or declare their individual selves. While twins fight just like different-aged siblings, their tensions have much more to do with establishing separateness and uniqueness, traits afforded naturally to siblings born at different times. Twins, especially identical […]

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All Parents Make Mistakes

Christina Baglivi Tinglof is a mother of fraternal twin sons and an accomplished author of two books on the subject—Double Duty and Parenting School-Age Twins and Multiples. She wrote a terrific blog on June 3, 2016, that she is permitting me to share with my readers. It touches upon the parenting mishaps that we all make because we are unaware and unsure about what to do in certain circumstances.   Young Twins Who Hit and Bite: Are We To Blame? […]

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One Twin’s Opinion

The following provocative essay was written by Maranda Elizabeth, who is an identical twin. It was originally published on a site called The Establishment on January 19, 2016. It is reprinted here with the author’s permission.   The Complexities of Being a Twin Maranda Elizabeth   What is it like to be a twin? When, shortly before dying, Elspeth is asked this in the book Her Fearful Symmetry, she responds, “All I can say is, you haven’t got a twin, […]

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