Category Archives: Conflict

Twinsburg Survey Findings

Amusingly, many of the twins who patiently answered the survey questions at my booth at the Twins Day Festival displayed a penchant for peeking at their twin’s paper to check out his or her answers. Most had no idea what they were doing until I laughingly pointed it out. Twins just do those kinds of things habitually—without thinking. As I mentioned in an earlier blog, I was heartened to find out how consistent the survey findings were with the material […]

more

A Room of Her Own

A mother of six-year-old identical twins shared a lovely story that illustrates how natural it can be to attend to each twin’s needs when guilt feelings don’t get in the way. Mother explained that her daughter Sandy talked about wanting to have her own room. Two issues had to be managed. The first was that this sentiment hurt her other daughter, Anna. Anna told her mom that Sandy’s wish to be on her own hurt her feelings. The second issue […]

more

Soul Mates or Cell Mates?

Healthy adult twins do not feel imprisoned by their twinship. They have acknowledged each other’s right to be separate and unique while maintaining their special connection. They have worked through feelings of ambivalence, competition, and jealousy, and each has evolved into an individuated self. Healthy twins care deeply about one another and recognize and respect each other’s autonomy and choices. They enjoy being together but do not require exclusive possession of one other in order to cope with life or […]

more

My Twins Are Not Close

Parents of twins often feel like dreadful failures if their twins are not close. It’s fascinating that parents of singletons want their children to be close; however, with twins, there seems to be a built-in expectation that closeness is part and parcel of the twinship. This notion is a perfect example of the twin mystique, which projects this expectation on twins and parents alike. While it may seem counterintuitive, the more latitude that you give your twins in expressing ambivalent […]

more

Like an Old Married Couple

A mom of 16-year-old identical twin boys contacted me to talk about how to handle excessive bickering between her sons. She described how she has tried to manage the incessant teasing and fighting that goes on between the two of them. One will accuse the other of dressing like a geek, having a stupid sense of humor, or acting like a dork at school. The dominant twin is more likely than not to be leveling these insults at his reticent […]

more