The other day I was speaking with a female twin in her midtwenties about her high-school experience. She told me that she enjoyed those years so much because her twin sister shielded her from feeling overwhelmed, intruded upon, and overexposed. This surprised me because she had always talked extensively about her sister being her “mirror”—needing to get continual validation from her twin about her clothing, hair, and general overall appearance. I was struck by how this young woman experienced the […]
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“I Saw Her from the Outside”
The struggle to feel like a separate person after years of being a twin involves hard work, motivation, and insight. A young woman in her midtwenties has been working diligently in therapy to feel distinct and differentiated. The other day in our session, she was describing an epiphany she had while she was helping her sister move into a new office. Understandably, her sister was stressed and overwhelmed in view of her situation; characteristically, she snapped at my patient and […]
Asociación Madrileña de Partos Múltiples
I had a terrific turnout for my recent presentation in Madrid, largely due to AMAPAMU’s vitality and largesse. With a membership totaling six thousand families, the association commands a tremendous presence in Madrid. Much of the association’s success is due to the hardworking efforts of its dedicated volunteers and to the association president’s leadership. President Lucila Menendez’s unwavering optimism and creative vision has helped the organization become the major resource in Madrid for families raising multiples. The number of fathers […]
Above and Beyond Nature versus Nurture
Every so often, stories about twins separated from birth who are reunited with their sister or brother make sensational headlines. While the circumstances vary as to how they find one another, the particular details are exciting, heartwarming, and in some cases astounding. Hearing about how families make sacrifices to enable the separated siblings to see one another in order to have an ongoing connection is a testimony to their commitment to the twin bond. Inevitably, one person or another comments […]
Twins and Uncompromising Compromise
Recently I have been thinking about the issue of twins and compromise because the subject has come up in a few of my patient sessions. Certainly I have learned about my own compromising behaviors as a twin and as an adult in my personal therapy. I recognized that my overriding inclination to compromise too quickly was rooted in my twinship, as well as in the dynamics of my family of origin. Growing up, my twin sister and I attempted to […]