Inauspicious circumstances frequently arise when twins chronically adopt the roles of cared-for twin and caretaker twin. In many cases, this dynamic can evolve without any conscious awareness. It appears to originate organically from each twin’s personality and role in the family. Some people believe that this paradigm begins in utero and increases exponentially as the twins mature. The pattern of one twin assuming a parental role toward her sibling is more likely to occur if one of the pair suffers […]

An identical twin recently contacted me for help with working through some issues with her sister. She wrote a series of poems to express the betrayal and sadness evoked by a rupture with her twin and graciously granted me permission to share these haikus. I’m always there for youYou take me for grantedA stab in my heart Best friend? Not clear nowYou throw me away like trashWill you understand? A blessing or curseWhat twin would leave their best friendAll alone […]

I am always saddened when I hear yet another personal story from a caretaker twin who ended up feeling abandoned and betrayed. Whether this resulted from a move, a marriage, a conflict, or a death, the consequent fallout induces tremendously unpleasant feelings and emotional instability. I spoke the other day with a thirty-five-year old male fraternal twin whose brother is getting married in a few weeks. He reached out to me because he could not make sense of the unnerving […]

Can you love your twin more than anyone else and still make room for other significant relationships? An ashamed female patient recently asked if loving her twin more than her children and husband was inappropriate. I have personally interacted with many twin pairs who forthrightly acknowledge that their connection far surpasses all other intimate bonds. Why are some pairs able to live comfortably with this dynamic while others feel conflicted? Generally speaking, I believe the distinguishing factor is the degree […]

I have consulted recently with many parents of teenage twins about their children’s inability to get along. One mother told me her daughters do not talk to one another, and another parent explained that her daughters constantly yell and scream at one another. Adolescence is a challenging developmental phase for multiples because they have to manage two separations at once—one from their twin and another from their family. Adolescence is a complicated time for many teens and their parents. In […]