Research on attachment consistently shows that our experiences with our parents influence how we raise our own children. As I have noted previously in my many blog posts and books, many twin pairs had minimal parental connections and consequently had to “parent” each other. I have worked for many months with an identical twin in her forties. Two ongoing issues prompted her to get in touch with me: a longstanding rift with her twin and the tumultuous, treacherous behavior of […]

I recently consulted with two mothers of twins who were seeking to understand why they have felt persistent guilt since giving birth a few years ago. In both cases, the twin pregnancy was spontaneous and natural with no fertility issues. Initially, neither mom relished the idea of having twins. Both felt robbed of the traditional rituals and experiences that normally accompany the birth of a singleton. One mom was enormously disappointed that her longing for a vaginal birth was frustrated […]

Many parents of twins ask me about buying gifts for birthdays and other special occasions. They want to ensure that they treat their twins fairly and let both children know they are loved equally. Buying identical gifts may seem like the perfect way to do this, but parents should realize that their attempt to be equalizers may send twins unrealistic or unhealthy messages. Most of us naturally give our nontwin children presents that reflect their talents, skills, and interests—but in […]

When I was formulating ideas for my second book, The Same but Different, I conducted an informal survey on the internet about the experiences of adult twins. I want to share several (abbreviated) answers that were submitted. They express the wide gamut of feelings that twins have about their connection. I trust you will find the varied points of view enlightening and educational. The age of the respondent follows each comment in parentheses. We share ESPN, not ESP. (35) My […]

I feel compelled to write because I am outraged and saddened—but not surprised—by society’s misguided beliefs about the twin mystique. A recent experience recounted by an acquaintance of mine has aroused my discontent. A conscientious and psychologically sophisticated mom of four-year-old twins decided to place her fraternal twin daughters in separate classrooms. The girls shared a classroom for the first year of preschool, and both the mother and the teachers agreed that the girls would thrive in separate classes the […]