Competition is an expectable dynamic within most sibling relationships. This issue can be particularly troublesome for twin pairs because they are constantly compared and defined by their differing skills or personality traits. In my work with adult twins who have intense competitive feelings, I have learned how unresolved envy can cause havoc as siblings mature. The case of an identical twin woman in her sixties, whom I will call Terry, illustrates how her connection to her sister is undermined by […]

Siblings of twins often do not get the psychological attention they deserve. My readers frequently ask me to write a book dedicated to this topic! I’d like to share some thoughts about a young woman in her late twenties whom I will call Veronica. Veronica’s mom, Mrs. T., contacted me eight years ago about her identical twin daughters when they began displaying bouts of anger with each other that she had never witnessed before. We spoke on the telephone a […]

If we don’t think alike, we’re not twins; if we’re not twins, who are we? I only know myself and you through the twinship lens. How can I tolerate a perspective that no longer matches what I believe to be true? I need you to think like me, otherwise we’re not connected. If you don’t think like me, you cannot value, appreciate, or love me. How can we stay connected if we do not see eye to eye? If not, […]

In this “new normal” created by the pandemic nightmare, both children and adults face challenges and concerns that were not previously part of our collective consciousness. Who would have imagined that our children would attend school online or that many parents would leave their offices and work from home? These new conditions have made it obvious that psychological flexibility is crucial to emotional endurance during periods of social and economic upheaval. Similarly, twin pairs often struggle severely if their initiative […]

Although my blog posts usually address specific dynamics between twins, I have been thinking lately about the parallel between thetwin practices of psychotherapy and Pilates. I am not someone who loves exercise—in fact, quite the opposite. My friends and family know not to ask me to accompany them on a hike. I do enjoy nature—but primarily from a sedentary vantage point. Nonetheless, I do love Pilates. Although I spent ten years with one teacher and discovered that I had not […]