I am always saddened when I hear yet another personal story from a caretaker twin who ended up feeling abandoned and betrayed. Whether this resulted from a move, a marriage, a conflict, or a death, the consequent fallout induces tremendously unpleasant feelings and emotional instability. I spoke the other day with a thirty-five-year old male fraternal twin whose brother is getting married in a few weeks. He reached out to me because he could not make sense of the unnerving […]

Can you love your twin more than anyone else and still make room for other significant relationships? An ashamed female patient recently asked if loving her twin more than her children and husband was inappropriate. I have personally interacted with many twin pairs who forthrightly acknowledge that their connection far surpasses all other intimate bonds. Why are some pairs able to live comfortably with this dynamic while others feel conflicted? Generally speaking, I believe the distinguishing factor is the degree […]

I have consulted recently with many parents of teenage twins about their children’s inability to get along. One mother told me her daughters do not talk to one another, and another parent explained that her daughters constantly yell and scream at one another. Adolescence is a challenging developmental phase for multiples because they have to manage two separations at once—one from their twin and another from their family. Adolescence is a complicated time for many teens and their parents. In […]

I recently spoke with a charming pediatric oncology resident whom I will call John. He contacted me after watching the webinar that I presented for the 2020 Twinless Twins Support Group International virtual conference. He explained that he had a twin brother who died of leukemia at age ten. He thanked me for asking about his twin, whom I will call Jake. John mentioned that he rarely got an opportunity to speak about Jake anymore and wished he had more […]

A mother of thirteen-year-old fraternal twin girls asked my advice about how to help the “cared for” twin develop more independence and self-confidence. The mother remarked that both she and her husband give one twin special attention because she appears insecure and clingy. To their surprise, I suggested that they devote more time and attention to the “caretaker twin” because she may not be getting what she needs in terms of parental emotional investment. Often, a child who is raised […]