Sadly, despite monumental parental efforts, one twin may give up vying for recognition. I have seen this dynamic occur more frequently in fraternal twin pairs. Unlike identical twins, who appear more evenly matched in skills, talents, and preferences, fraternal twins are more like singleton siblings who happen to be born at the same time. Sharing only 50 percent of their DNA, they can differ significantly in terms of temperament, looks, abilities, and drive. Frequently when parents tell me about noteworthy […]
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Twin Estrangement: Offense or Defense?
An identical twin woman in her late thirties (“Rory”) found me via ChatGPT! It is the first time I have received a referral via AI. I am so glad that we connected because her twin narrative was compelling and enlightening. Rory needed guidance and perspective about her twin’s ongoing hostile and abusive behavior. Rory shared that her twin sister (“Ryder”) repeatedly badmouthed her to friends and family. The family dismissed this behavior—“Oh you know, angry, mean Ryder”—and advised Rory to […]
Think before You Speak
Why do people feel they have the right to publicly shame and embarrass twins? How are they so insensitive to the emotional harm they may inflict when they casually remark, “Oh, you are the fatter twin,” “You are the nicer twin,” “You are the prettier twin,” “You are the smarter twin,” “You are the sociable twin,” “You are the athletic twin,” “You have a smaller nose,” “Your eyes are further apart than your sister’s,” or “Your hairstyle is cuter”? I […]
The Twin Blame Game
Many people assume that all twins are spontaneously and energetically in tune with each other. They hear them completing each other’s sentences and witness synergetic nonverbal behaviors. While these actions occur frequently, especially between identical twins, they do not necessarily contribute to the development of empathic behavior in twin pairs. Usually, one twin exhibits more empathic capabilities than the other. More than likely, that twin’s emotional intelligence catapults her into the role of the caretaker twin. She is exquisitely attuned […]
Setting Limits: When, Where, and How
Most of us seek guidance or advice when we feel stuck. We cannot see the forest for the trees, as the saying goes. We feel lost, and we need a pair of fresh eyes to help us find clarification and understanding. Such was the conundrum of parents of sixteen-year-old identical twin boys who sought my consultation. As is so often the case, these parents were surprised and appalled by their adolescent sons’ behaviors. One youngster resolutely refused to go to […]