Sometimes, one twin is expected to “fix” her twin’s emotional and environmental orbit. In other words, the family relies on her to maintain the well-being and happiness of her twin. This twin acts as a caretaker and problem solver. While a similar situation can arise among singletons, a twin’s psychological burden can be quite distinct and life-changing. Adult twins often feel stuck in this perpetual loop. Those who contact me need help understanding how and why these circumstances emerged. They […]

I have written numerous posts about what happens when one twin emotionally moves away from the twin connection for any of a variety of reasons, such as romantic involvements, geographical moves, and intolerable inequities leading to excessive envy and criticism. As a result, one twin recognizes that his twin cannot and will not be “his person” any longer. The twin who feels he has lost his sole support, friend, and irreplaceable other often cannot tolerate the loneliness and abandonment that […]

Iconic and ironic perceptions of twin relationships rarely surprise me. Recently, an onslaught of media attention paid to identical twin women who speak in unison created quite a stir. Reactions to and comments about the sisters’ behavior ranged from incredulous and amusing to downright cruel. Certain facets of a twin connection provoke astonishment as well as ridicule. I thought about this dichotomy when I was speaking with an identical twin woman named Jodi, who is in her late twenties. Her […]

Why do some twin pairs distance themselves from each other if one twin marries or becomes involved in a romantic relationship? The single twin may ask herself, “Why does my sister need someone else? I have always been enough for her. I cannot stand the person she has chosen. How is she with someone so different from me? We have always been so close, and I have been the most important person in her life.” The problem lies in the […]

Dr. Allan Schore is a well-known neuroscientist and psychologist who writes prolifically about the topics of attachment and emotional regulation. He believes that the primary caretaker’s ability to regulate an infant’s up and downs enables the growing baby’s capacity to self-soothe. The notion that emotional regulation is an outcome of a caretaker’s consistent emotional attunement has been well documented by other attachment theorists. Of course, this process does not go well for some babies. In addition, a parent of twins […]