While many people who seek psychotherapy feel victimized in some way, twins feel victimized in a distinctively specific manner. This situation arises because twins are frequently each other’s primary caregivers. The expectations and demands that accompany this attachment style are complex and often unarticulated. As a result, when twins enter new stages of adulthood, they have no clear pathway to understanding the differences they might experience. An identical twin woman in her fifties reached out to me to try to […]

Many twins who seek my advice are dealing with issues of dependency and identity. This struggle is natural given how they have functioned within their twinship. An identical twin man in his early forties (Duke) has been working diligently to forge a singular sense of himself. He yearns to feel confident about engaging in a romantic relationship where he does not exhibit behaviors that mimic his twinship roles and expectations. For twins, these ingrained behavioral patterns stubbornly persist, and conscious […]

My first session with a Gen Z identical twin woman began with her rhapsodizing about the essential godliness embedded in the “twin mystique.” Clare asserted that twins are meant to be best friends and soul mates forever. She voraciously read articles and online publications that touted the sanctity of twinship. She had come to me seeking treatment for severe anxiety, suicidal ideation, and depression linked to her first long-term separation from her sister, Cleo. They are the only children in […]

Why is it that some twins cannot show empathy for their twin but have no difficulty feeling it toward others? I have several twin patients who are puzzled and resentful about this inequity. It is an important issue, and I believe it can be understood best within the twin construct of envy and jealousy. One of my patients, “Larson,” is a thirty-year-old identical twin who described how he has demonstrated concern and protective feelings for his brother throughout their lives. […]

Many twin patients I have seen over the years speak about the shame they have felt about having or keeping secrets from their twin. Compared to nontwins, same-age siblings are particularly sensitive to this dynamic. Imagine growing up in a dyadic relationship where there is little room to be separate, alone, or differentiated from one’s brother or sister. In this emotional world, everything is shared, including language, friends, possessions, and parents. Within this environment, where twins can claim very little […]