My first session with a Gen Z identical twin woman began with her rhapsodizing about the essential godliness embedded in the “twin mystique.” Clare asserted that twins are meant to be best friends and soul mates forever. She voraciously read articles and online publications that touted the sanctity of twinship. She had come to me seeking treatment for severe anxiety, suicidal ideation, and depression linked to her first long-term separation from her sister, Cleo. They are the only children in […]
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Why Can’t He Walk in My Shoes?
Why is it that some twins cannot show empathy for their twin but have no difficulty feeling it toward others? I have several twin patients who are puzzled and resentful about this inequity. It is an important issue, and I believe it can be understood best within the twin construct of envy and jealousy. One of my patients, “Larson,” is a thirty-year-old identical twin who described how he has demonstrated concern and protective feelings for his brother throughout their lives. […]
Secrets and Shame
Many twin patients I have seen over the years speak about the shame they have felt about having or keeping secrets from their twin. Compared to nontwins, same-age siblings are particularly sensitive to this dynamic. Imagine growing up in a dyadic relationship where there is little room to be separate, alone, or differentiated from one’s brother or sister. In this emotional world, everything is shared, including language, friends, possessions, and parents. Within this environment, where twins can claim very little […]
He Took My Twin Away from Me
Sadly, yet understandably, when one twin forms a partnership with someone outside the twinship, the other twin feels left out and abandoned. Often the blame for such a scenario falls either on the twin or on the twin’s intimate other. Regardless of who shoulders the responsibility, all the parties involved suffer feelings of guilt, resentment, and possibly astonishment. I have been working with a 50-year-old male fraternal twin, Steve, whose emotional relationship with his twin sister, Sherry, has steadily declined […]
Twin Synergy: Too Much of the Same
I cannot count the number of times I have heard twins say, “I do not deserve to be happy if my twin is upset.” This belief is one of the more challenging emotional dilemmas to work through when treating twins. Twins who think and feel this way frequently recognize how unhealthy and limiting it is. Nevertheless, this viewpoint has been top of mind for most of their lives. Enmeshed twins suffer more with this mindset. Coparenting each other for most […]