Tag Archives: caretaker

The Vicissitudes of Twin Loss

In the last few months, I have been working with two grieving families. In both instances, a fraternal twin died owing to accidental circumstances—a drug overdose and an automobile collision. The man was in his late thirties and the young woman in her late twenties. While my heart goes out to those who have lost a loved one, I am inclined to be most concerned about the surviving twins and their well-being. In both cases, the surviving twin was the […]

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Constantly in Search of Acceptance

It stands to reason that many of us who enter the helping professions have a fundamental proclivity for being helpful, and we enjoy feeling needed and appreciated. In the case of psychotherapists, our professional training, our ongoing personal therapy, and our continuing education enable us to secure and maintain healthy boundaries with our patients. While we experience tremendous gratification and a sense of well-being when our clients are doing well, we are careful not to consciously or unconsciously demand that […]

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The Caretaker Twin: She Needs You Too

A mother of thirteen-year-old fraternal twin girls asked my advice about how to help the “cared for” twin develop more independence and self-confidence. The mother remarked that both she and her husband give one twin special attention because she appears insecure and clingy. To their surprise, I suggested that they devote more time and attention to the “caretaker twin” because she may not be getting what she needs in terms of parental emotional investment. Often, a child who is raised […]

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Rethinking the Caretaker Scenario

I was so appreciative that many moms came up to me after the New Zealand Multiple Birth Association conference to tell me how much they learned about the twin relationship and how fascinating and helpful it was to expand and stretch their perspectives. I am especially happy when moms remark how much their thinking has been changed in terms of the caretaking dynamic that happens between twins. After hearing my advice that twins should not be each other’s constant companion or […]

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