An identical twin woman (whom I will call Jody) in her midseventies described her lifelong commitment to caring for her sister, Ellen. She said, “When I received my waitressing tips, I dumped them onto the table so that Ellen could take her share.” She explained that after she and her twin were abandoned by their mother at age two, they kept one another emotionally afloat and forged an unbreakable bond. However, life has not been easy for Ellen. In the […]
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YouTube Twins Longing for Individuality
These delightful twenty-seven-year-old fraternal twins contacted me to discuss their relationship. This video is a condensed version of our hour-long session. Both women are committed to discovering their individuality. Working and living together has put a strain on their twinship—each longs to develop her own voice. Therapy will help them to handle conflict and assert their unique identities. Image from “Twins Go to Twin Therapy for the First Time!: What Being a Twin Is Really Like” by Poonam & Priyanka
Twin Parents’ Fatigue: Relentless Twin Bickering
Twins fight constantly. The interminable squabbling is a drag and a drain. In some ways, this power struggle is another aspect of the twin connection. This dynamic is often encountered in couples whose quarreling becomes the primary way they feel connected. If possible, it’s best to address the issue of fighting between twins sooner rather than later. As much as twins are each other’s biggest rival, they are also one another’s staunchest supporter. How can parents minimize tension and competition? […]
No Room for Healthy Competition
My work with twins has highlighted how they often have difficulty handling conflict and competition. Rather than agreeing to disagree or listening to their twin’s perspective, they are driven to win instead of compromise. I believe this lack of emotional maturity results from the fact that they are still struggling to come to terms with their individual identity and therefore are still fighting to beat their rival rather than respectfully accepting their differences. Isn’t it ironic that twins, who are […]
When Will My Twin Daughters Make Independent Decisions?
A mom of ten-year-old identical twin girls called to ask for advice and reassurance. The mom said that both girls are doing well in their separate classes at school. She has tried diligently since they were quite young to direct them toward separate activities. Sometimes she is successful and other times frustrated. We talked about how similar monozygotic twins’ interests and skills often are due to their identical DNA. Both girls play the same musical instrument and share a group […]