Parents of twins often feel like dreadful failures if their twins are not close. It’s fascinating that parents of singletons want their children to be close; however, with twins, there seems to be a built-in expectation that closeness is part and parcel of the twinship. This notion is a perfect example of the twin mystique, which projects this expectation on twins and parents alike. While it may seem counterintuitive, the more latitude that you give your twins in expressing ambivalent […]
Category Archives: Psychology
Why Twins Prefer a Therapist Who is a Twin
Most twins who are looking for a therapist hope to find one who is a twin. It is important that nontwins and therapists understand why this is the case. Growing up as a twin is a very different experience than growing up as a singleton–whether you are an identical or a fraternal twin. The bottom line is that twins have grown up with their twin by their side for most of their life, for better or worse. The twin connection […]
The Wonders of Therapy
I met a former patient of mine the other day for coffee. We had not seen one another since she graduated from college a few months ago. Like many college graduates, Shelley, who is a twin, is looking for a job and feeling quite frustrated. She is fortunate to be able to live with her family while she is job hunting and making some money by waiting tables. The issues that Shelley and I worked on about three years ago […]
Can Divorce Be Amicable for Twins?
Recently, I presented some material from my research findings about adult twin relationships. I discussed why it is so challenging for some twins to develop a cohesive self. I referenced Dr. Barbara Klein’s book Alone in the Mirror. She feels that since twins are in a metaphorical sense born married, they can never get a divorce. Dr. Klein substantiates her point of view by highlighting how twins remain loyally connected to one another in the face of enormous guilt, resentment, […]
Twins and Altruism
Recently, I commented about a pair of 21-year-old identical twin female tennis players qualifying for the first time at Wimbledon. Sadly, the twin who advanced to the next round could not fully celebrate the biggest win of her career because her twin sister had lost her match. If you are not a twin, you may find it hard to understand why the victorious twin had to downplay and deflect her success. Let me share Jeffrey Kluger’s definition of altruism from […]