Growing up in a twin bubble can be akin to living one’s whole life on land and then abruptly being cast adrift in a vast sea. Suddenly, seemingly without warning, one twin may connect with a romantic partner or move away. Whatever the reason for the separation, the twin who is “left behind” feels blindsided and gut punched. His whole world breaks down in terms of safety, predictability, and security. His anxiety about being on his own and his depression about being abandoned may result in paralyzing confusion. How will he manage his life while feeling adrift, powerless, and bereft? How can he trust himself to make decisions and life choices without the shared certainty and connection he had been accustomed to?

Fortunate twins who get professional help can eventually discern how much they have compromised and accommodated throughout their lives. They can acknowledge and work through severe shame and self-loathing. Having never anticipated finding themselves in such an untenable set of circumstances, they grapple with several issues: Can they trust themselves, can they trust their reality, can they trust their decision-making, and can they trust their connections to others? Some twins must also work through perfectionistic expectations, black-and-white thinking, and people-pleasing behaviors to reach a healthier mindset.

Helping a twin discover his sense of self and purpose is a most gratifying journey. The pain of separation subsides, although it does not disappear, and space is created for the once disenfranchised twin to come into his own. Once the twin blinders are off, he can enjoy the pleasure of discovery, the excitement of curiosity, and the sense of awe and appreciation for options and challenges. He can work through fears of uncertainty and indecision to enhance and expand his emotional world. It can feel like a new lease on life because the lifelong twin contract has been amended with exciting new terms and conditions.

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