Sadly, in my work with adult twins, I encounter some pairs whose relationship collapsed due to an inability to resolve competition and conflict. In many instances, the primary sticking points are perceived and real inequities among the twins. For example, who is wealthier, who has the bigger house, who has the happier marriage, who has the more successful children, or who is more physically attractive? Of course, different-age siblings might confront similar issues; however, with same-age siblings, the stakes are […]
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Did You Hear What I Said?
I recently read an article in the New York Times called “You’re Not Listening. Here’s Why.” that resonated with me. It states that we do not listen attentively to the people with whom we are most intimate because we assume that we know what they will say and consequently how we will respond. Over the years, my husband often expressed frustration with me for that very reason, contending that I listen more attentively to my patients than to him. Admittedly, […]
Insist, Initiate, Incorporate
I recently posted an article on Facebook about the social media backlash directed at a father because of his decision to spend time alone with each of his four-year-old twins. Apparently, many people accused him of inciting separation anxiety if he implemented this plan. Nonetheless, he offered valid and legitimate arguments for his intentions. He explained that before he and his husband decided to have twins, they spoke to many adult twins and asked about their experiences. He reported that […]
A Welcome Addition to Multiples Parenting Literature
I am delighted to tell you about a new book coming out in February—Parent like a Triplet, written by Norwegian identical triplet Kari Ertresvåg. I had the tremendous pleasure of writing the book’s foreword, which I want to share with you here. Foreword to Parent like a Triplet I consider myself Kari Ertresvåg’s partner in crime—the “crime” being our joint commitment to debunking the twin mystique and normalizing the experiences of multiples. We share a sisterhood of sorts as fellow […]
The Quick Fix: A Simplistic Solution
A father of thirteen-year-old identical twin boys contacted me about one of his sons. He and his wife decided to send the boys to different middle schools to give them the individual experiences that both were lacking up to that point. However, after more than four months at their respective schools, one son was thriving while the other was not. Tom loved school, felt engaged and energized, and enthusiastically shared what he was learning when his parents picked him up […]